


When the Day Met the Night

by thrillerqueen



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 Phan, 2009 dan i cry, Angst, Fluff, M/M, couple of swears, self hate, this kills the man, tokyo proposal, warning for masturbation mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-16
Updated: 2015-04-16
Packaged: 2018-03-23 05:23:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3755992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thrillerqueen/pseuds/thrillerqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan is like the moon, cold and dark, and alone. One day he meets a boy who shines like the sun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When the Day Met the Night

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from panic! at the disco's "when the day met the night".  
> hope you like it!
> 
> warnings: self hate, couple of swears, masturbation mention

Sometimes, Dan thinks he is like an anthropomorphism for the night. Dark, cold, casting a cool shadow over all that is bright and warm. His family, his friends, they try so hard. But eventually, they give up. They leave. Everyone does, in the end.  
Why was he born? Surely, if there was a God, he wouldn't create Dan purely for no reason. He was going to amount to nothing, doomed to fail. 

During the day, when the night was kept at bay by the sun's cheery warmth, it was easy enough to put on a brave face, to smile at his mother, to look happy. But once the sun went down, once the moon rose, that was when the mask came off. When the bone-deep sadness returned, so intense, so hard hitting, that it crashed over him like a wave. He ached with it.  
Once his light went off, and he lay in bed, that was when the sea of despair crashed upon him. It felt like an ocean of the deepest blue, swirling, crashing, cold. He'd try his hardest to keep his head above water, but inevitably, the waves would pull him under, and his lungs would burn and he couldn't breathe properly, until eventually he fell into a restless sleep, interrupted by equally restless dreams. 

It seemed that everything in Dan's life was bleak and dark. His clothes, his hair, his eyes, his future. How much longer, he wondered, would he be able to do this? To keep living with no purpose, to dread with every inch of his existance being alone with his thoughts?

Music helped. The loud and grating lead guitar was loud enough to drown out his own thoughts. The hope and energy it gave him was like a weak torch in a dark room of his own demons; the demons were no longer visible, but it didn't stop them from whispering in the corners, passing by in his peripheral vision. 

The only reason he still had to live was the minimal hope he had to hold onto like a small flotation device in his ocean of sadness. It stopped him from drowning, but he still got lungfuls of the cold, salty water. His hopes, his dreams, his aspirations, slowly fading, his life buoy slowly deflating.  
Sometimes, he wonders if he will ever find The One, but then he remembers. Who would ever want a human cloud to always be raining on them?

One day, he meets a boy who shines like the sun. One who radiates love, and joy, and brings happiness wherever he goes. His name is Phil, and his eyes are light blue, like the sky on a beautiful and sunshiney day, and it's almost as if he can paint colours with his touch.  
Well, he doesn't meet him, per say, he actually watches his videos on YouTube.  
He discovers him by pure chance, accidentally clicking on a link to one of his videos. That was probably one of the luckiest chance happenings of his life.

He stays up into the wee hours that night, clicking on video after video, shaking with silent laughter until his sides are aching and there are tears running down his cheeks.  
Eventually, he succumbs to exhaustion, realising just before he slips into sleep that tonight was the first night he'd not been so sad his very soul ached with it in months.

Every time Phil uploads a video, Dan eagerly clicks play and listens to Phil's latest anecdote, more often than not clutching his sides in a fit of poorly muffled giggles. Phil makes his pulse race and his palms sweaty, and before he knows it, he's falling for boy who could light up a room with his smile alone.

He comes home after school one day to find that not only has Phil replied to one of his many @ replies, he's also followed him back and there's a message sitting in his inbox.

@danisnotonfire:  
@amazingphil loved your video XD can't wait for the next one :]

@amazingphil:  
@danisnotonfire haha glad you liked it. I sent you a DM :D

He opened it with shaking hands and his heart in his throat.

Hey :]  
I noticed you in my notifications, you seem cool, wanna chat?

'of course!!!' he typed back, pulse pounding dangerously fast.

And for a while after that, talking to Phil was the highlight of his day and the thing he came to live for. They often stayed up into the early hours together, talking about anything and everything. And Dan is always exhausted the next day, but it's so worth it for all the hours spent slumped over his desk, about to fall asleep, because he only has to think of Phil to get a swoop in his chest and a pink blush on his cheeks.  
He'd then go to bed that night with a hand around his cock, thinking of blue eyes and a deep voice.

Of course, with all the joy of having Phil in his life, comes the pain of not being able to touch him, to know that he's real, and warm and breathing. That longing, that feeling that he misses someone he never met, however, is preferable to drowning in his own thoughts every night. It crosses his mind one day that he hasn't felt the bone-deep, all-consuming sadness in so long he's almost forgotten what it feels like.

One day, over Skype, Phil is acting unusually shy, like he has something to ask and Dan eventually gets it out of him. His parents will be gone for the week and he wants Dan to come over.  
Dan nearly dies of a heart attack right there, curled up in bed with his dangerously close to overheating laptop balanced over his bony knees. 

That night, Dan asks his parents for their permission, with his heart in his throat, hopes soaring sky high, only to be brought crashing down to Earth when they say no, absoloutely not. He begs and pleads and argues for hours, but the answer remains no.

He goes to bed that night with disappointment and broken hopes and dreams resounding around his body, tears welling up in his eyes that he furiously blinks away. He had real hope there, for that few minutes, and he should've known that it wasn't going to last. A message pops up on Dan's phone; it's from Phil. His contact photo appears on the screen, a screencap from a Skype call where he's smiling so widely that his eyes are just slits and his tongue is poking out. Dan can't even bear to see that smile, extingusishing it and locking his phone. He turns over and is reacquainted with that suddenly familiar ocean of sadness, curling up on himself and willing for it to go away until sleep pulls him under. 

The next day, he goes back to his parents, determined he won't lose this battle without a fight, and ends up a victor, but only just, and on many conditions. But all that doesn't matter, he's going to see his best friend. He gets to see him, and touch him, and maybe even kiss him if he's brave enough.

The days tick away so slowly, they drag, but at least every night he has hope. He can look forward to October 19th.  
Eventually, eventually, the day comes. He is beside himself, waiting on the platform, looking around, where is he – and there he is. He swears he can feel his heart stop, along with the rest of the world, when he locks eyes with the same eyes that he'd been staring into all these months. Phil sweeps him up into a massive hug, his feet leave the ground, and he never, ever wants to let go. They stand there for way longer than socially acceptable, people rushing past, back and forth – totally irrelevant. All that matters right now is Phil's scent, and his soft black hair, and his hands pressing softly into Dan's lower back. 

Phil drags Dan around on a tour that day, and he's totally fine with that, as long as he gets to walk so close to Phil their hands are brushing, and stare at his lips when he's not looking. The day ticks by so fast Dan swears it's on fast forward.  
Eventually, they end up on a Ferris wheel, at the very top, view overlooking the entire city.  
'The view is beautiful.' says Dan.  
'Not as beautiful as you.' says Phil.

Dan turns to Phil, cheeks involuntarily growing hot. Phil looks at him in a way that makes him nearly fall off his seat, and Dan goes for it. He presses his hands to Phil's cheeks, stroking with his thumbs, leans in, and presses his lips to Phil's. Phil doesn't kiss back and for a heart-stopping moment, he thinks he's made a terrible mistake and ruined everything, but then Phil places his hands around him and pulls him in, deepening the kiss, and Dan swears he can feel the colour seeping into his very being. Red, being breathed into him from Phil's kiss, yellow being pressed into him from Phil's touch on his back, blue from the cold metal railings, orange from Phil's radiance.  
Phil's lips are soft and his hands are warm and he smells so nice and oh God Phil Phil Phil – and then Phil is pulling away, resting his forehead against Dan's. 

A cool breeze caresses their heated skin, the first few stars are beginning to gently twinkle in the infinite and expansive sky, and Dan thinks that this is possibly the happiest moment of his life.  
Later that night, when they're both in Phil's bed, Dan tucked securely into Phil's chest and Phil's pale arm wrapped around his waist, he thinks. He thinks a lot. If he the night time, then Phil is the day. If he is the moon, then Phil is the sun. Phil is bright and happy and warm, and Dan is cold and dark and sad.  
Phil interrupts his track of thinking by sitting up slightly, and dragging a hand slowly up Dan's back.  
'Penny for your thoughts?' he asks quietly, barely above a whisper.  
'I love you.'  
There. It's been said. It sits in the air between them, hanging delicately in the balance.  
'I love you too.' replies Phil, after a beat. 

Dan thinks his heart is going to explode. His cheeks disobey his firm mental order and bloom in red. He tucks his face into Phil, turning slightly to the side so he can hear Phil's heartbeat, steady, reassuring. He can feel Phil's chest move when he breathes, rising and falling gently. He can feel the warmth from Phil's hand on his back, and when his fingers twitch ever so slightly. Phil is real. He breathes, he moves, he loves. He is in love with a boy who shines like the sun, and he couldn't ask for anyone better.

The week he spends with Phil feels like a dream. They stay up until 3 AM, they watch films together, they laugh and laugh until they can't breathe. They even film a video together for Phil's channel, with cat whiskers drawn badly on their faces, becoming smudged when Dan can't resist kissing Phil between takes.  
'This was the most fun I've ever had.' says Dan, and Phil tackles him playfully to the ground. Dan kisses him until he runs out of breath and has to stop.

Dan thinks Phil can draw constellations with his fingertips, leaving behind a trail of electricity that makes Dan's skin blaze, when he traces a line from Dan's neck, down his back, coming around to rest lightly on his hip. He has the sun in his eyes, and the cosmos in his fingertips, and love in his heart. 

One night, late, when they're curled up on the lounge, and Phil's fingers are entwined with Dan's, Dan tells him that he is the moon, and Phil is the sun. Phil tells him that he is not just the night, he is space. He is galaxies, and stars, and shooting stars. Phil tells him that he has the stars in his eyes. That he is bright, and beautiful. He kisses him on the nose, and that is that.

For the first time in a very long time, Dan thinks that maybe, just maybe, everything is going to be OK. He has a boyfriend who makes him feel beautiful, and loved, and who is there to pull him out of the deep ocean of despair, who is there to wipe his tears away, and hold his hand, who shines on even his cloudiest days. Even if he never gets better, even if the clouds never quite clear, he'll always have the sun to kiss his skin. He thinks that if he gets to spend the rest of his life with Phil, well, that wouldn't be bad at all. He goes home that week with a couple of hoodies he didn't arrive with, hope, and a song in his heart.

The years go by, and eventually, Dan gets better. The ocean of sadness dries up and disappears, his eyes sparkle, he is happy. He has a job he loves, a house with the man he loves, and millions of adoring fans. He'd been to Vegas, to Los Angeles, to New York, all with the love of his life. The years pass fast in a whirl of domestic bliss. 

He hates hiding the fact that he and Phil are in love, and it kills him inside, but it's for the best. He thinks the fans know, though. It's easy to pretend they sleep in different beds, but it is impossible to hide the way Dan looks at Phil.

They stop hiding it when Phil gives Dan a ring under the cherry trees in Tokyo and asks him to spend the rest of his life with him. Dan says yes almost before Phil's even popped the question.  
So Dan posts a photo on Instagram the next day. It's a photo of him holding Phil's hand, the rings shining in the sun. The caption reads, “I said yes!”

They say that you should always marry your best friend, and Dan agrees.  
He marries Phil in a quiet backyard ceremony (Louise's, specifically, because it's the biggest) and most of the guests are sniffling, and even Dan chokes up a few times. He promises to love Phil, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, even though he already promised Phil that years ago, this is just for legality. Dan forgets to breathe quite a few times during the ceremony, because holy shit that's Phil fucking Lester standing across the aisle from me. 

He kisses the groom and his mother is full on sobbing now, and so is Phil's mum, and Louise, and they're married. This is it. Dan is possibly the luckiest man alive. He married his best friend, and now he has a husband to kiss good morning and raise children with and love with all his heart.  
That night, in a hotel room in London, he whispers in Phil's ear:

'This was the most fun I've ever had.'


End file.
